Are You Hiding Your Story? There’s a Mirror in Wisdom.

Hello friends, here’s my latest funding news and grant opportunities list at Big Mama’s Playbook! Let me start with this: Don’t shy away from the chapters you wish you could erase or delete. They hold your becoming. And please don’t believe the lie that everyone else, by a certain age, has it all figured out - they don’t. We’re all unfolding, all the time. This week, it’s about: Why you can’t (and shouldn’t) hide from your own story. 

The other day, I pulled out some old flash drives and an old box of photos from the back of my closet. You know the kind of stuff that gets packed away, may be a bit worn out, taped on the side. Yet all filled with moments we’ve tried to tuck away under a file name - “used to be.” I went down this rabbit hole to fulfill a request from a loved one; to share any pictures that I kept – their childhood and the home that burned to the ground in the Altadena/Eden fire back in January. This would help rebuild family memories.

So, I took a dive inside the flash drives and the box filled with photos and mementos from decades ago: conferences I spoke at, family birthdays & holidays, black & white snapshots of me in oversized glasses, with a big wide smile, and even bigger dreams. Some of the pictures literally, made me laugh out loud. Others made me take a pause, close my eyes, and just breathe. Different versions of myself staring back at me. Most of these photographs, remnants from old journals, and scraps of memories – primarily from the ‘80s and ‘90s. Decades that carried me through career highs, deep heartbreaks, weight fluctuations, motherhood, leadership responsibilities, exhaustion, second chances, and pure joy.

There I was: a young slender Black woman with her permed and natural hair styles, in shoulder pads and big dreams, pushing through systems that weren’t made for her. Other systems were just not ready for her, as a leader to have a “seat at the table”. Raising children, loving hard, two divorces, building organizations, trying her best not to be seen for self-promotion and still be respected. Some of those pictures told a proud story. Others reminded me of seasons I’d rather not revisit. But the older I get, the more I understand this truth: you can’t hide from your own story. And you shouldn’t even try.

As I sifted through all the pictures, I wasn’t just revisiting my past or just fulfilling a special request. It was more than a trip down memory lane. I was looking through the lens of all the many conversations I’m currently have with my adult children, their friends, many of my coaching clients, and former students & colleagues over the years, representing multiple generations behind me who are now navigating their seasons. That old box reminded me of how much I didn’t know about life back then at their ages. Life shapes us, chisels us, sometimes gently and sometimes not. And Lord knows, I’ve been tested and shaped.

What I know now is that healing begins when we stop trying to edit our own story – attempting to delete parts or all of it with a few clicks or by recreating a new persona on social media. When we give ourselves permission to remember all of it - every wrong turn, missed opportunity, big win, painful loss, and lessons learned the hard way takes a lot of introspection and a strong village. I don’t just honor the woman I’ve become today. I can now honor every version of the woman I had to be to get HERE. Even the ones who didn’t yet know their worth.

I’m often asked, “How did you know what you’re supposed to do/who you were supposed to become?” The truth is, I didn’t always know. And honestly, still don’t. What I do know is that I didn’t always stay the course as originally planned. I couldn’t… There were plenty of times when I decided to or was forced to change paths mid-journey or other times when I circled back to find myself again. And those are the parts we don’t always show or tell. But when I look at those old photos now, I see it clearly - every twist, every painful detour, every triumph and the mess-ups - were all about shaping me. I am not perfect, no one is…

So, if you’ve got some flash drives or a box of photos tucked away, go ahead and open them. Scroll through the pictures in your cloud. Don’t be afraid of what you’ll find. There’s grace there. There’s edginess there. There’s grit there. And there’s truth in those faded old Polaroids. There are memories that no filtered or edited image could ever give you. You really can’t delete or hide from your story. You don’t get to the fullness of who you are without going through the uncomfortable in-between. The hard parts matter too. It’s those hard parts, like when I’m in the midst of a storm, my Aunt Lela would keep me encouraged – “Honey, hang in there. Just hang in there. You’ll get through it…to the other side.” The quiet seasons matter.

Wisdom doesn’t come from skipping steps - it comes from living through them. You can learn from it, heal through it, and stand proudly in every chapter. You see, there’s power in looking back, not to live there, but to remember who you’ve been and how far you’ve come. To teach others, especially the ones coming behind you, that they too, can survive the pages they might wish to skip. That’s not something to hide - it’s something to share.

Finally, let me ask you this: What part of your story have you tucked away that might be holding a piece of your power, your wisdom, or your voice? Can you make your mess or your success a powerful message? You never know who it may reach.

Weekly wisdom, in their own words:

“In Mississippi, where I'm from, there's an understanding that hard times don't discriminate. My mother used to say, 'Everybody's got something.'”

Robin Roberts (November 23, 1960 -)