Leadership Lesson: Everything Doesn’t Deserve Your Energy

Hello friends, it’s a new fiscal year for many funders! Find my latest funding news and several NEW grants at Big Mama’s Playbook!

Here’s this week’s message: It was late 2020, when I came across a post on Pinterest. I “pinned” (saved) it to one of my many boards. It was just a simple, direct and honest list of things to leave behind as the new year was about to begin. Life as we knew it back then changed all around the world as we navigated a global pandemic. Back then, five years ago, I was 66 years old. This list became a checkpoint for how I wanted to move forward. Here’s the list of things to leave behind in 2020:

• Not being clear about my needs

• Prioritizing people who consider me an afterthought

• Wasting my emotional energy on things that do not matter

• Second guessing my worth and the value I bring to the table

• One-sided relationships that haven’t changed or grown

• Trying to rush through my pain vs. sitting with it

• Unhealthy attachments to things and relationships that do not serve my highest good

• Fear of trying new things and failing

• Not being mindful about how far I’ve come

Now, as we reach the halfway point of 2025, I’m looking back to see just how much that old list influenced the choices I’ve made and the growth that’s come with them. Each of those decisions has shaped how I’ve approached the last five years. I’m learning how to be clearer - first with myself, then with others. I no longer tiptoe around my needs or push them aside to fit someone else’s expectations. In a nutshell, I’m not who I was in 2020 - I’m very proud of that.

Let me add this one: I’ve reevaluated how I manage my time and energy. I still have a desire to do this work, just on MY time. I stopped wasting emotional energy and time on other people’s on-going drama. That doesn’t mean I stopped caring, it means I am learning how to care without carrying everything; without being the proverbial “snowplow” or “fixer” or “problem solver” (a true struggle for servant leaders and nurturers). I started paying closer attention to what fills me up and what drains me. Sometimes I need to call on my incredible village – for accountability, support, and/or prayers! That shift alone has changed how I spend my time, who I share my space with, and how I protect my peace. I am still a work-in-progress…we all are.

I also walked away from one-sided relationships that hadn’t grown in years. I’ve stopped chasing closure in relationships that weren’t evolving. Sometimes I stayed too long in dynamics that had run their course. Relationships can shift – for a reason, a season. Now, I understand that growth requires both people to participate. If something or someone consistently left me feeling depleted or undervalued, I stepped back. These decisions weren’t always easy, but they were necessary for various reasons/circumstances. Boundaries became less about pushing people away, whether it was a family member or friend, and more about making room for what truly matters. As my Aunt Lela declares, “Some things you just don’t have to be in.”

I’ve become a septuagenarian during the past five years of this journey. I now know healing is deeply layered and sacred. It’s not always about fixing or being “strong” but about honoring the full spectrum of what it means to be human. Yes, I’ve slowed down and allowed myself to feel what needs to be felt. In living life and learning what it means to be human, I’ve come to see pain as something to work through - not avoid. Everybody’s got something that needs healing.

And most surprisingly, I’ve taken more risks in the past five years than I did in the ten before that. Letting go of the fear has opened new doors. I’ve tried things I once avoided, or thought was impossible. I stopped fearing new things because I was getting “up in age” – creating Lead Like Big Mama is just one case in point! Not all of them worked out (at least the way I thought) and still I’m here. And every stumble taught me something. I still make mistakes, but now I try to use them as part of my “data collection” - the ebbs & flows of life, and not a reason to quit.

And finally, I’ve made a point to acknowledge progress. I no longer minimize where I’ve been or overlook what I’ve accomplished. Big or small, I take some time to reflect on the wins. The same outlook is a true lesson in leadership. Leadership isn’t just about guiding others; these priceless lessons are not just personal milestones. They’re a framework for how to show up for others: with clarity, accountability, and intention. It’s about being truly honest with yourself. Healthy leadership is recognizing what’s yours to solve and what’s not.

So, now I’ll ask YOU: What old patterns do you need to let go of in order to lead more effectively - whether in the community, an organization, or personal life?”

Weekly wisdom, in their own words:

“Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong....”

Ella Fitzgerald (April 25, 1917 - June 15, 1996)

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